Jen's Renaissance
Jen’s story; no, not a story. A
story has a beginning and end, a climax and theme. A whole life
cannot have a theme or a climax. No, not a story; Jen’s
Renaissance.
Morningstar Jen is a 14.1 hand 15
year old bay roan American Bashkir Curly Horse Tennessee Walking Horse
Appaloosa cross that came from Texas to my home in Connecticut. The
vet rated her a 1.5 out of 5 on the Heinnecke scale.
My mom had showed me Jen in an old
photo that was sent to her from her previous owner. I saw the picture
once when I was ten, and I haven’t looked at it since. I do
remember it well though. She was in an overgrown round pen, with her
rider on board. Her head was high and inverted and her back was
sunken. At the time, I wondered why she looked scared. I didn’t
understand what all these signs meant. She was a scared, abused
foal-factory.
She arrived in March of 2007. At
about nine at night her hauler pulled into the driveway and I was as
excited as ever. I wasn’t sure what to expect, I immediately
thought of myself as the classic little girl and her horse at the
pony show. The hauler said she was a good girl and loaded nicely.
When she was unloaded and I saw her I was taken back and pictures of
a little girl on little prancing Curly horse no longer passed through
my mind. There wasn’t an inch on her body where there wasn’t a
bone visible. She walked up the long steep driveway towards our barn
quietly without even bothering to look around. We had horses
delivered to our house before and they were never this shy. She
didn’t even call to the other horses when we passed them and they
all took turns neighing to their new addition to the herd. I thought
maybe she was a well mannered and good girl. I later realized that
she was deprived and far too exhausted to even lift her head higher
than even with her withers.
My mom and I got her all settled in
to her new paddock and gave her some hay. Later on we went out to
check on her around 10 pm to make sure she was doing OK. She had
ventured up the hill and around the bend, so it was a bit of a walk.
We walked up to her, and I remember she tiredly bent her head around
to look at us walking toward her. Standing on the top of the hill,
there was quite a nice view. You can see the whole yard in front with
the horse barn on the left and the house way down below in the front.
The lights from the road quickly flashing by in the night was pretty
for a while, until you heard the noise from the cars. My mom and I
were standing there watching her and her belly was moving around. It
was making tiny jerking movements, kicking out at us. Jen was
pregnant with her fourth baby. I was even more exhilarated than
before.
It was my job to take care of Jen
every day. I gave her hay and grain every day with fresh water and
cleaned out her paddock. During the winter, I had finished all the
chores inside her paddock and she was done eating her grain, so I
proceeded to collect her bucket. As I was walking toward to get her
bucket she pulled her head out of her pile of hay and swiftly snaked
her head out with her ears flattened and teeth bared. As I saw her
coming toward me I tried backing away, but the post where her feed
bucket was hung on was right behind me. She had bitten me right in
the chest. There was wet grain smeared on the front of my big
jacket. She didn’t even come close to my skin because of my heavy
winter coat, but that wasn’t really the problem at hand. Jen had
food aggression. I didn’t blame her. This was just one of the
serious effects being starved within days of death.
“Mandy!” “Psssst . . . Mandy!”
As my head cleared and I realized I wasn’t dreaming, I saw my dad
in the doorway to my room trying to wake me up without disturbing my
little brother. I sat up and looked at him still groggy. It was 2 am
and he was telling me there that the baby was born. “The baby was
born. Baby? Baby! Jen’s baby!” I thought to myself. I was too
excited for words so I jumped out of my bed and ran all the way up
the hill to where I saw my mom rubbing a little bay filly all over.
She was absolutely beautiful. She immediately went over to take a
drink of her mom's milk. Within the next few days she was named
Huyana, Ana for short, meaning rain falling. We chose this name
because a thunderstorm that lasted 3 days broke for her to be born
before it continued to pour. Ana was a fiery little filly that loved
to play and race. Jen was often struggling to tag along behind her
keeping a close eye on her new baby.
Ana loved everyone. She was the only
one to befriend our rescued 30+ year old Belgian Amish work horse,
Leroy Brown, before he passed. Leroy was a quiet old man and he loved
to eat and bask in the sun. He was never very fond of people,
especially adult males, and he kept to himself and was a quiet herd
mate. He never got into trouble or pushed the other horses. Ana took
it upon herself to make him her friend though. They would groom each
other and he always made sure that Ana was on the uphill side so that
she could actually reach his withers to gently scratch him with her
teeth. When Leroy passed we were all heartbroken but happy for him at
the same time. He went not because of exhaustion or starvation or to
become someone’s next meal, but with a full belly and friends all
around him.
The day started out completely
normally. I went to school in the morning while my mom was out
feeding the horses in the swing of our daily routine, until the
evening of that day when my mom called my little brother and I into
the kitchen, which was unusual. She had told me that Ana broke her
pastern that morning and she didn’t make it. At first I didn’t
understand. How could something that small and innocent die so young?
I was angry because it wasn’t fair, she hadn't lived the prime of
her life and she didn’t even live to see her first birthday. She
was only 8 months old. Later on I got the whole story. My mother went
out to feed like always in the morning and Ana appeared to be fine.
My mom had to go back down to the house to put my little brother on
the bus, and when she went back up to finish feeding them Ana was
shaking and walking on three legs with one held in the air. We
suspect she broke her pastern because her bones were brittle as a
result of Jen was so malnourished.
Jen spent three days in the stall,
hiding from the rest of the animals and mourning her baby. On the
third day the lead mare and Morningstar Jen’s full sister Lakota
Gem decided it was time for Jen to move on and reclaimed the run-in
stall for herself. It had been two years since we got Jen and so much
had happened. But I felt it was time to start focusing more on
rebuilding Jen now that the worst seemed to be over.
In 2009, I started reintroducing
tack to Jen. I had only been on her once since we got her just to see
what she was like. I can still remember how tense and scared she felt
underneath me. We walked about ten steps and then I got off of her.
She was not at all happy that I had got on her. It took me a little
while to figure out where to start. Jen had previously had 30 days of
professional training before her life in hell. Knowing this, I
thought I would just ride her around the paddock and eventually she
would have an epiphany and realize that no one here would hurt her.
Jen didn’t think this was the best approach and quickly made it
clear about the third time I was on her that she was not about
to forget about everything that happened when she was ridden in days
gone by. I only ride her twice in 2009, but I kept journal entries
every time I got on her to observe and figure out the next step to
take.
March 7, 2010
Jen was very concerned and
anxious. She moved around a little, then finally calmed down and
stood still, so I got off.
March 18, 2010
When I first got on Jen she was a
bit nervous but she calmed down by herself almost immediately after
I got on her. I then realized I didn't have a helmet on. When I had
my hands moving around on top of her she was very worried and
nervous. When I stopped moving she was fine. When I though “I want
to go over there” and rested my leg on her side she swung her butt
over and faced where I wanted to go. I did this one more time, and
got off.
It
was the new year of 2010 and I needed a fresh start, so I took a huge
step back and started at square one: a real relationship. For about a
month I spent time with Jen constantly. We took a lot of time to get
to know each other. Every afternoon I would go outside and groom her
excessively, take walks up and around the paddock. By doing this I
also discovered another roadblock. Jen had become so herd bound that
she was too scared to walk up the hill and around the corner out of
sight of the other horses. I talked to her the whole time and we took
signs one step at a time. I slowly gained her trust; she was willing
to walk out of the sight of the other horses but was still a little
worried. It took about 2 months to be able to comfortably walk around
the end of paddock without her getting nervous. It was at this point
that we achieved the most. I spent my whole summer of 2010 walking up
and down that hill every day. We walked around that little place
where the dirt evened out and she soon found it monotonous, and this
was to my delight. Monotonous meant that she was no longer scared.
Monotonous meant that she no longer feared an imaginary huge
mutant beast leaping from the bushes; she was building a
little self confidence and no longer completely depended on her herd
mates for protection. Monotonous meant that she no longer feared an
imaginary loud clap of thunder and a large wind
that would sweep her away; she didn’t feel the need to run
and hide in the barn if she was ever faced with something. I knew
this day would come, I just didn’t know when. That summer was when
the real bond took root and she began to trust me.
In the fall I began to introduce
tack. She was sour the minute she saw it coming for the first week.
She didn’t like the saddle, or the bridle, but the girth was always
the worst. After our experiences back in 2009 with my Wintec, my most
favorite saddle ever, my mom bought a treeless saddle for me. She has
one for her horse, Lakota, finding that most saddles don’t fit
these two because of their build. They both have long withers, a very
short back, and huge shoulders. Any treed saddles are extremely tight
against them. With this new saddle and a bitless bridle things were
much easier. In the past Jen was used with a rough tom-thumb bit, and
she was not letting anyone put another piece of metal in her mouth
any time soon. She clamps her jaw shut, grinds her teeth, and
squeezes her eyes closed. Jen also used to close her eyes and grind
her teeth as if she is shutting the world out whenever she got
stressed. I rarely ever see her do that now.
I started with a bareback pad,
figuring it was less intense than a saddle. Up until the beginning of
this year, anytime anything was brought up over her back she would
throw her head up in the air and do one of three things. She would
close her eyes and shut everything out, she would bulge her eyes out
and stand stock still and tensed up waiting for something horrible to
happen, or she would try to “squirt” out from underneath it. More
often than not the first would happen. So, I kept calm and talked to
her the whole time I was grooming her getting ready to put the
bareback pad on. Hoping that when it was time to put it up over her
back she would still be listening to me and be less focused on what I
was doing. It did keep her calmer. She didn’t throw her head up
quite as high, so I thought it was a good start. Then after it was on
her back I would walk over to her head and stroke her neck and talk
to her. I had also taught her to lower her head when I put pressure
behind her ears with my hands. I lowered her head and took a step
back to her belly and offered a treat to her. I don’t like using
treats with Jen. She gets fussy and she gets what I like to call
“apple brain”. She can’t focus on anything except getting the
food. I still avoid using treats as a reward because after I give her
a treat she wants to hang around me and try to get them out of my
pockets. If I ask her to do anything she gets an attitude where she
puts herself in a mindset where it’s her vs. me, and she gets very
uncooperative. But whatever brought her back down to earth I was
going to use to get her over this. But the bareback pad itself was no
problem compared to girthing. She would turn away and try to escape
the stall if she saw it coming. In the earliest days she would snake
her head around and try to bight me. I knew she would actually bight
me, but more likely kick me if I pushed too far. Having worked with
Jen for almost 2 years now, I had learned that she was more bark than
bight. From seeing her attitude toward the other horses, she often
threatened but never followed through. Snaking her head with her
teeth bore at the other horse rarely ever ended in actual contact.
Even if she threatened to kick, she would turn around and show her
butt like she was ready to kick, but at the last second she would
quickly squirt out of the situation. There are also certain “levels”
Jen has. Threats usually ended in nothing, she would quickly get over
herself and behave, but there was a line. That line was usually
crossed with persistence or excessive nagging. If she truly didn’t
want you touching her she would make sure you didn’t. Whenever she
actually followed through with her threats, it was sudden. If she was
going to kick it was quick and there was one threat before the blow.
I knew she wouldn’t follow through that time, there was a line that
could be crossed, and I would have to tip toe on the edge. Girthing
was a process and she still tries to walk away from me if I don’t
keep her focused. For the first week or so I left the girth on loose
so that it didn’t even touch her belly. She was ok with that, every
day I would tighten the girth up little by little. When it was time
to tighten it for real, she wasn’t happy about it but the only real
signs of discomfort toward the girth were when she inverted as soon
as she felt it on her and she swished her tail. But little by little
she felt better and better about being tacked up and walked around
the paddock. By February of 2011, Jen was happy to see her tack come
out looking forward to attention.
About once or twice every month in
2011 I would get on Jen. I knew the next step was to get on her but I
wasn’t completely sure how to approach it. I figured I would start
in the place she was the most comfortable. So I sat on her in the
stall for about 10-15 minutes each time I got on her. I sat on her
until I had her calmed down. The first time I got on her after our
restart she inverted and stood stock still waiting for me to do
something like kick her, yank on her head, or slap her, what was done
to her in her previous “home”. She was waiting to bolt. In the
past, she was probably jumped on then kicked and hit so that she
would go as fast as she could. That was exactly what she was waiting
for. I kept a journal describing my ride every time I got on her,
trying to decipher exactly how to go about the next trip onto her
back.
April 3,
2011
Jen was a
bit concerned when when I first got on so I taught her to drop her
head using the reigns. She caught on very quickly and did a great
job with that. Next we worked on turning her in a circle, and making
sure she doesn't get confused. She really does not like when I use my
legs. So I just used my shoulders and mainly my hips to move her in
different directions. She did fantastic, so when I couldn't think of
anything else to do with her, I got off.
April 17,
2011
I
accidentally kneed Hen in the hip as I got on, so she was upset,
understandably. I asked her to drop her head, and she did. She did
some napping while I was on her. She licked and chewed a little. She
also sighed twice. She was very relaxed and lazy feeling. We did some
turning, but we can't go very far in the stall. So I just sat on her
while she slept, until I got bored and got off.
May 1,
2011
I was on
Jen and she was very nervous the whole time. Her eyes were bugging
out of her head, and any time I asked for a turn she would spin as
fast as she could in the stall. I got her to bend her neck, seeing
it was stiff as a board, and got off. I was going to get out of the
stall if she did well today, but I guess we're still stuck in the
stall.
August
29, 2011
I took Jen
out for grass with her tack on and she did very well. We practiced
walking through mud, water and under trees and she did great. When
we were ready to go back up to the barn I got on her and mom led her
back up to the barn with me on her. She was perfectly calm, head
level, eyes soft the whole ride up.
September
17, 2011
I tacked
Jen up like we were going for a walk then we went back into the stall
after a very brief walk and I nonchalantly got got on her, rather
gracefully, and Mom led her out of the stall and around the paddock
once before letting go of the reigns. She did well, although she was
kind of nervous and squirted forward as I used my leg a lot and was
always trying to run back to the barn. I finally got off her after
about 15 minutes when I got her past the barn without an issue.
October
22, 2011
My plan
was to take as long as I needed to get on her and just sit on her and
the only thing I would ever ask for is a head down. So I got on in
the barn and as soon as I was on her she squirted forward a bit
although I was ready to stop her and get her focused again without an
issue. The after she stood there in the barn for 5 minutes she went
in the stall and starting going around in circles, exactly like we
had done in previous lessons. I did nothing and sat on her
scratching her the whole time. Eventually she relaxed and started to
nap. Shortly after she started getting antsy and was walking around
in circles in the stall. She would stop for a second and stand
still, and then start again. When she stopped and stood still and
relaxed I got off. I think she was starting to get frustrated
because she didn't know what she wanted me to do; she didn't know
what to do because she had never been allowed to do nothing while
someone is on her back before.
November
6, 2011
I am
participating in the November RAC mini challenge so I spent 2 hours
of groundwork before I tacked Jen up. Then I took another 15 minutes
of riding form the ground. I thing this really helped. I did this
thing where I stand next to Jen and hold onto and guide her with the
reins while standing next to her. I think it helped prepare her a
lot for the riding and it didn't come as such a surprise to her. And
it also got her moving really well. When I got on her in the lower
pasture she wasn't nervous once. She didn't even raise her head when
I scrambled on her. Mom walked forward about 10 feet further and
stopped. She didn't turn around to acknowledge Jen though. When Mom
turned in the other direction and Jen went to follow I asked her to
turn to the right instead of follow Mom to the left. And she went
willingly. When Mom stopped I asked her to take 2 more steps and
stop. She did! Then I asked her to walk forward and as she came up
around the corner she tried to go back tot he barn. Instead I asked
her to go back around facing Mom again and she went perfectly! I got
off then because she tried and thought about pulling back to the
barn but went where I told her instead. She never became nervous
once. Her head never went up, eyes never bugged out. She never got
antsy or fidgety with her head. And she moved smoothly. This was the
best ride so far. I'm SO happy with her progress so far and I think
all of the groundwork made a huge difference.
A
question soon arose as I was progressing. Even if I could ride Jen
outside, how would I be able to with her being so heard-bound? I
pondered over this question in my mind many times, thinking of the
best way to approach it. I decided I would have to use a different
technique than I did in the paddock, because in fact even though I
was trying to accomplish the same thing, the circumstances were
incredibly different. I decided to start taking her out to the small
grassy area directly to the right of the barn. I figured this would
be a good place to start because she could still see the other
horses, the barn was right next to her, and there was grass for her
to distract herself with. I didn’t want to interfere with riding
time though. I wanted to make sure I still got those few times a
month to keep up the learning process, I decided that the days where
the ground was too wet or it was too hot to ride her was the best
time to take her out. So I didn’t waste any time.
I
had a good solid plan to introduce the world outside the fence as a
good place. This little grassy area was perfect for the job. The
other horses were still in plain sight. The first time I took her out
she was very nervous and antsy. She shoved her shoulder into me,
pulled on the lead, and anytime there was the slightest sound she
would throw her head up and spin around looking for the source of the
sound frantically. I figured the only thing I could do is let her get
used to being outside, and enforce her manners. I couldn’t and
wouldn’t try and teach her anything or ask her of anything because
I didn’t want to stress her out. After that first time, she would
get more and more comfortable every time I took her out. After the
fifth or sixth time she was out she was pretty comfortable on top of
the hill in our little grassy patch.
The beginning this of this year, I
began
riding Jen out in the paddock. I thought that she was becoming very
comfortable with change and now when faced with something new she
handled it calmly instead of inverting and shutting the world out. I
was correct in assuming she was ready to get out of the stall and do
some actual walking. She did well for the first 3 rides until our
rides weren’t improving in great leaps but I was still making it a
point to get on her to keep her in the rhythm. I chose to focus more
on getting her outside rather than riding her. I had three reasons
for this. One: the terrain in the paddock has always been horrendous
for riding; there are too many rocks and hills. Two: the other horses
were beginning to get in the way and were interfering. And three: It
was difficult for me to keep my focus on her. There were simply too
many distractions and the paddock was no longer suitable.
I
also upped the riding to every week. Jen is comfortable with going
out to the yard to graze on grass. We would slowly creep our way down
the hill towards the arena and out to the yard. She would nibble on
the weeds all the way down the path and it kept her focus off of the
growing distance between us and the barn. I was riding her
consistently and we were making progress until actual movement was
involved. She was very relaxed and things were going well. I had
started taking Jen out for grass tacked up and riding her back up to
the barn. She took this very well.
By
April, the paddock riding was falling into a pattern. Not a favorable
pattern. It was very difficult to maneuver anything more than
yourself. It was even extremely difficult to get a wheelbarrow in
there, so I decided it was time to move outside. We weren’t making
as much progress as I knew we could be in the round pen. I could see
her potential, but I was having too hard of a time and it was just
too complicated to try and ride an extremely sensitive horse in a
rocky hilly paddock with four other horses trying to get attention.
The first time I rode Jen in the round pen she was a bit nervous as
soon as I mounted, but she calmed down very quickly. I needed my mom
on the ground as a “shoulder to lean” on for Jen. To keep Jen’s
stress level down I played passenger and my mom was the driver. She
gave Jen small cues with her hands and Jen knew exactly what she
wanted and did everything she asked willingly.
The
second time Jen was ridden outside was June 7. It was the first time
Jen and I had a real ride together. We walked around the round pen in
two circles and I dismounted, because she did so well. She was soft
and relaxed and there she didn't look around frantically for someone
on the ground for direction. The third time she was ridden was June
14 and she was ridden by two people and it was the longest ride she
has had since she has been here. Both my mom and I got on her and she
did perfectly. We both mounted her and she did not invert once, she
kept a soft and relaxed face and took serpentines and figure 8's in
perfect nonchalant strides.
Jen
has taught me many important things. The most important by far though
is that it wasn't the accomplishment of being able to ride Jen, it
was what got us there and what came of the journey in between. No
matter how corny it may sound, the “to”
in “start to finish” is what matters most. Even though there
really isn't a “finish” . . .
